musings

14 Mar

i’ve added a new category: musings and daydreams.
it seemed appropriate, as i didn’t really know in which category i could put random thoughts, brainfarts, general wonderings and all the other things that whirl through my mind.

at the moment i’m constantly followed by some sort of restlessness… which expands into (day)dreams and a desire to make a change. it is now my 6th year in vienna, and i love it. i mentioned in an earlier post that to me, vienna is the most beautiful city in the world. i live in a great apartment with three cats and my brother. our parents visit us often, i have a great group of friends- honestly, i’m very happy with my life.
then why do i keep getting this nagging feeling? this urge to move on, try something new, do something else?
it might be because i’m still jobless at the moment- granted, i could be looking for one alot harder, but still, the point is to find something i like (or would like) to do, not throwing myself into just anything… right?
maybe, and i think that is the actual problem, i don’t really know what i want to do. wow. when i first realised that, i was a little taken aback. if i don’t know what i want to do, who would?
i want to add that there is no lack of wishes and dreams as to what i would like to be doing. i think it’s quite the contrary, maybe there’s just too many things i want to try!
one of my life dreams is to work with animals, particularly horses and dogs… it is probably the one constant passion i’ve been carrying around my whole life. other things came and went, but this always stayed. in my mind, i would own a ranch, somewhere in montana -thanks to the horsewhisperer, that’s been the backdrop for this dream. or maybe somewhere in california would do too, with access to a nice secluded beach. my brain plays it out like this:

riding through snow - montana

a girl and her horse (photo by kevin sadler)

yeeehaaw into the sunset

then again, i have another very very different dream. the glitz and glamour of a career in fashion or the entertainment industry! that’s quite a change from the previous one, isn’t it? i think i’m on the right track about not knowing what i want…
having worked at a model agency, i got hands on experience with this fantastical world, and i’m hooked. i don’t care if it’s a shallow, exploitative industry- it’s fun and fast paced, and i like it!
now, sadly, in vienna this particular sector is veeeeery limited… it is bigger in paris, milan or london, but it doesn’t compare to the land of entertainers, the united states. would i be able and willing to move to the usa to pursue a career? cowgirl or showbiz? or is it better (safer?) to stay in good old europe and make the best of it?
the thing is, i would consider moving to denmark, too. for totally different reasons, but it would be an option! the people are so cool, the whole scandinavian culture is so different and relaxed, it almost feels like being out of europe. i used to say “the danish are the australians of europe”. i still stand by that. but then again, i loved australia! sydney and melbourne were such amazing places, i would love to move there too! again, different reasons than any of the ones above, it has a unique appeal!

see where the problem is? my (let’s face it raging) wanderlust has gotten me all confused! so many places, with such different characteristics and appeals! how could i make a decision? what would be the best thing to do? how do i determine what the best thing is? is it happiness? career? money? ideally it would be a mix of everything, but the existence of such an outcome seems quite utopic, no?

i would love to hear your thoughts about this :)

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